Conventional Murders Read online

  * * * * *

  "Yikes, it's cold!" said Laura as they stepped out of the shuttle bus.

  "Yeah, well, this is normal for this time of year," said Dave. "Some mornings though it does feel like it'll freeze your bits off."

  Yep. Bit-freezing in progress, buddy. But wow am I glad I’m not camping right now.

  "The bonus is that when the sun comes up and it catches the dew on the grass it makes the whole place glimmer and shine."

  That's awesome, but I'd never make it out of bed to see it. People shouldn't have to be this cold. It's inhumane.

  "Here, let's take a walk around before we go in," Dave said, and he started leading her off around the grounds.

  Bad plan! I already think I can't feel my feet...

  Despite her reluctance, Laura allowed herself to be dragged around the grounds around the hotel and clubhouse. She begrudgingly admitted that Dave had a point. It was beautiful. The country club complex was enormous, and the hotel was right in the center of it all. In every direction stretched the golf course, with the morning mist still hanging gently a few feet over the grass. The ducks were quacking in the pond, the native Tasmanian Hens were clucking around the greens, and as the sun came up its rays caught the dew on the fairways and glistened in that way that is half grass, half ice palace. It was idyllic.

  Now I know I can't feel my feet.

  "Can we go in? It's beautiful, really, but I'm starting to shiver," she pleaded with just a bit more whine that she was aiming for. So much for being cool. Cold clearly trumps cool.

  "All right, the breakfast restaurant is just over here, and the coffee's pretty good. For Tasmania."

  So does that mean it's like sewage anywhere else?

  "Sound great!"

  The restaurant was huge, in all directions. High ceilings, wide floors, enormous windows looking out in over the 18th green. But none of that mattered to Laura; the only thing that mattered was finding a chair under the heaters. A minute or two later, Dave brought over two cups of coffee. It was several minutes more, though, before Laura started to thaw out.

  "Is everything around here this.... big?"

  "Oh yes," Dave replied," that's why we chose it. There are going to be 200 people attending the convention this weekend, we needed enough room. Don't forget that they're not all in the same room all the time, either. There are workshops, breakout sessions, tea times... the whole nine yards. And then of course there are the main events like the contests and the Council meeting in the main auditorium. It has been a real headache for all of us, actually. I suppose events on this scale always are. But everyone on the organizing committee will be glad when it all over. We might actually get a full night's sleep again. And I was only working on it part-time from Melbourne."

  You volunteered for this abuse? And you looked so normal.

  "Amazing! Well good luck, I hope it all goes smoothly."

  Smoother than this lousy coffee, anyway.

  "Thanks, me too. Okay, how are we doing for time? Oh look, it's almost time, we had better get a move on. The Humorous Speech contest is starting in 10 minutes and if we're not there when the contest starts, they won't let us in."